Romantic relationships are often one of the most meaningful parts of our lives.
Whether we’re pursuing a long-term partner, exploring ethical non-monogamy, or deepening a connection with someone we love, relationships shape our emotional world in powerful ways. They teach us how we want to be loved, how we show love to others, and how we want to be connected as human beings. But they also come with vulnerability, and for many people, this opens the door to anxiety, depression, or both.
In today’s world, romantic relationships are not limited to one structure.
While monogamy remains the most common relationship style (defined as having only one romantic or sexual partner at a time), many individuals engage in ethical non-monogamy (ENM). ENM is an umbrella term for relationship structures where partners consensually engage in more than one romantic or sexual connection. Polyamory, open relationships, and relationship anarchy all fall within this category. Although these structures differ, they share a central emphasis on communication, honesty, and ethical behavior.
Across all relationship types, one shared truth remains: relationships can elicit anxiety. Whether someone worries about being loved, accepted, or valued, or fears that their partner’s feelings won’t match their own, emotional closeness naturally stirs up insecurity for many people.
How Romantic Relationships Can Trigger Anxiety and Depression
It’s normal to feel uncertainty in relationships from time to time. But relationship anxiety goes further. It involves persistent fear, doubt, or worry that begins to interfere with a person’s emotional well-being and the stability of the relationship itself. Although it’s not an official diagnosis in the DSM-5, research shows that relationship anxiety tends to follow recognizable patterns.
One of the most common symptoms is excessive reassurance seeking.
People may repeatedly ask their partner whether they are loved, wanted, or doing “okay” in the relationship. This pattern is seen often in individuals with social anxiety disorder and depression. Some researchers believe that excessive reassurance seeking is connected to interpersonal sensitivity, which includes a heightened need for acceptance and a fear of negative evaluation. Someone who feels unsure of their worth or who fears rejection may turn to a partner to regulate their self-esteem.
Another manifestation of relationship anxiety is self-silencing.
This is especially common among women, who may suppress their feelings, needs, or concerns out of fear that honesty could lead to conflict or rejection. Over time, self-silencing can diminish a person’s sense of identity, increase emotional distress, and create an unhealthy power imbalance.
The partner of someone with relationship anxiety may also engage in what researchers call partner accommodation (changing their own behaviors, routines, or needs to appease the anxious partner). While this may temporarily reduce tension, it can also reinforce the cycle of anxiety and prevent the couple (or partners, in poly/ENM structures) from establishing healthier relational habits.
Understanding Anxiety and Depression (DSM-5 Overview)
To better understand why these symptoms arise, it helps to briefly look at how anxiety and depression are defined in clinical psychology.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), anxiety disorders involve excessive fear or anxiety, along with related behavioral changes. Fear is the emotional response to a real or imminent threat. Anxiety, in contrast, is the anticipation of a future threat—often one that may not actually occur. This difference explains why someone may feel anxious even in a relatively stable relationship.
Depressive disorders are defined by persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, or irritability, accompanied by significant changes in functioning. These changes may include loss of interest, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, or withdrawal from loved ones. In relationships, depression may manifest as emotional numbness, hopelessness about the relationship’s future, or difficulty engaging in intimacy.
Both anxiety and depression can shape not only how someone shows up in their relationship, but also how they interpret situations, read their partner’s behavior, and navigate emotional closeness.
Supporting Mental Health Within Relationships
Whether in monogamous or ethical non-monogamous partnerships, addressing relationship anxiety and depression begins with awareness. Recognizing the signs allows individuals and partners to intervene before patterns become deeply entrenched.
Experts often recommend couples therapy, and that applies to polyamorous or ENM partnerships as well. Couples-based psychoeducation can help all involved partners understand the dynamics contributing to relationship anxiety, identify unhelpful cycles, and rebuild communication patterns that foster trust and connection.
Therapy can also help partners practice emotional regulation, healthy boundary-setting, and vulnerability without fear. When both (or all) partners feel emotionally safe, relationship anxiety loses much of its fuel.
Start Depression Treatment in Brooklyn, NY
If relationship anxiety or depression is making it hard to feel secure, connected, or present with your partner(s), you don’t have to figure it out alone. Working with a depression therapist in brooklyn, ny can help you break reassurance-seeking cycles, communicate needs more clearly, and rebuild emotional safety—whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or an ENM structure. You can start your therapy journey with SG Wellness by following these steps:
- Contact SG Counseling or email at sgcounselingnyc.com.
- Talk with a caring therapist
- Start improving your relationships!
Other Services SG Wellness Offers:
Finding support for your mental health matters. Our therapists in NY are here for you and your needs. At our therapy practice, we have therapists who identify as black therapists, Latinx therapists, Dominican, & BIPOC. It’s our mission to offer multicultural counseling that serves you and your needs. We offer therapy for people of color, therapy for Latinx individuals, indigenous populations, and Middle Eastern clients, as well as therapy for men and women. If you’re looking for a safe space, we are here for you.
Additionally, if you’re looking for another kind of support other than depression treatment, we have more services. Other services we offer include anxiety treatment and therapy for perfectionism, therapy for self esteem, individual therapy, individual relationship therapy. All of our services are offered via online therapy in New York. Areas we serve include Bedstuy, The Broncs, Queens, and Brooklyn, NY. When you’re ready, let’s work together.
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